Seeing how I spend a few hours each week prying words from my gums, it’s always a pleasure to read good copy. Valve just sent out the following press release about the cancellation of their E3 Portal 2 event. Fortunately, the cancellation will be replaced by a series of carefully scheduled surprises, so you can expect to have your surprise spoiled by a local media outlet.

Portal 2‘s eventual release will culminate Valve’s extensive marketing campaign. The media push has spanned game patches, alternate reality games, and even the recent free distribution of Portal, which concluded on May 24.

Enough context, though. Here’s the announcement.

Dear Subject Name Here,

Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise. And even though the cancellation of the event certainly counts as a surprise, we are pleased to further announce that the cancellation of the event is not THE surprise. However, per International treaties regarding the definition of the word “surprise”, of which both Aperture Science and Valve are signatories, the time, date and content of the actual surprise will only become available as you experience the surprise.

If you’d like to ask fruitless questions about the E3 Portal 2 surprise or, more fruitfully, schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve’s Special Envoy to Surprises, Doug Lombardi.

Thank you for < < RECORD SCRATCH!!! > >

PS: The surprising record scratch is also not the surprise.

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